Can Women Really Have It All?

I was watching my favorite Fox News yesterday afternoon when Gretchen (Meghyn Kelly now has a show on in the evenings. Boohoo. She was great, and I don't have the desire to watch more news at nine o'clock at night.), had a women's panel on the show to discuss various hot topics. One of the questions she posed to the panel was the age old, "Can women really have it all?"

This question has always intrigued me. It is easy for my anti-feminist self to quickly say, "Nope. And they shouldn't want it all." And for years, this is how I've answered that question. Bethenny on her reality show used to say that she was so shocked that she finally had it all (a great business, great hubby, cute baby, great place to live, perfect dog, etc, etc). And now, we know that her having it all has quickly unraveled. And when it first did unravel, I found myself saying, "Yep. I told you so, Bethenny. You can't ever have it all."

But yesterday as I listened to the panel delve into all the reasons why women can't have it all (notice no one ever asks this about men. It's just assumed that they are super beings who are able to give 100% to everything all at one time. I don't think sex matters much when it comes to this question.), I found myself saying, "Yes, actually women can have it all. And I kinda do."

Let me explain before anyone is too offended or shocked. I am far from a feminist. I think there's a time and place for everything, and we as women are doing pretty good nowadays. I like staying at home. I think it's ideal for every child to have one parent stay home with them when they are younger. I prefer Brian to be the breadwinner. I like cooking dinner for my family. I hate cleaning, but I like making our house look nice and take great pride in making our house a home. And as Brian agreed last weekend, I have totally become "that" mom at preschool by getting my craft on.

All that being said, I still believe that women truly can have it all. (And everyone's all will be defined differently.) I certainly do. I have a great husband, wonderful kids, an awesome parish, a few close friends, and a booming business. And when I look at all those areas, there isn't one that see is suffering or lacking for attention.

Here's the thing I've learned about having it all. I cannot devote 100% of my time, energy, and attention to each part of my all. And this is where I think most women fail. They somehow think that they are super heroes and try to give 100% of their resources to everything in their all at the same time. Mathematically, this just doesn't add up. I only have 100% time, energy, and attention to go around. I can't give more than that. And when women attempt to do that, I think that's when things fall apart.

In a typical day, I probably give 50% of my time to my kids, 5% of my time to our parish, 5% of my time to friends or myself (and sometimes that number is 0% for friends), 25% of my time to Brian, and 15% of my time to my business. That's just an example and day-to-day the numbers definitely change. But one thing stays the same: total at the end of the day I have expended 100% of my time, energy, and attention. And I feel satisfied and it works. And most of the time, my boys and hubby are satisfied, too, as well as my friends and customers.

So when I hear the question, "Can women have it all?" I think yes, but it just takes balance and prioritizing. Those who forget the balance and prioritizing will realize fairly quickly that they can't actually have it all.  I put my family first and use most of my time, energy, and attention on them and then use any time, energy, and attention left over on everything else. I can confidently say that I do have it all, and I'm pretty happy about that. Next time someone asks if women can have it all, I will confidently answer, "Yep. No doubt about it."