Today the Diocese of Pittsburgh celebrated its second annual NFP Awareness Day. Since Brian and I are trained NFP promoters we were once again responsible this year for doing something at our parish to promote the day. We pray it was successful.
However, just yesterday I read a description of a book entitled The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning. And I have to say that I found the description incredibly offensive. (Disclaimer: I have never read the book and since I have been so
offended by just the description, I probably won't waste my time.) If you care to read it, you can click here. I particularly took offense with the idea that practicing NFP has now somehow made my life "awful" or that I am "miserable." Now, is our marriage rainbows and sunshine because of NFP? No. But even without NFP our marriage would not be that way. Marriage is hard. The fantasy of holding hands at sunset dies the minute the first child comes along.
But let's deal with the fact that apparently this book is for those who are miserable and have an awful life because of using NFP. This just disgusts me. Is NFP hard? Some days, yes. Is it a cross? Yep. I already blogged about that. But has it made my life awful? Um, no. Not at all! Many things could make my life awful. In fact, after Abby died I tend to think of that time in my life as truly awful. Grieving the loss of a child is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. That was the definition of awful. Using NFP? Not so much.
And as Brian and I discussed, there are many things that make me miserable. Not getting more than 4 hours of a sleep for a week. Lots of cancellations for tutoring slots. Days straight of clouds and rain. A really bad headache or sinus infection. Feeling sick to my stomach for the first 16 weeks of every pregnancy. Not being able to work out four days a week. (Let's face it. I'm a pretty pessimistic person, so that list could go on and on and on, but I will spare you.) Using NFP? Nowhere near to being on that list. Even on the days when I find using NFP to be a cross, I don't feel miserable. And I certainly don't think my life is awful. I just feel like on that day I have a heavier cross to carry, and I rely more fully on the Lord to help me. But misery and pain don't come into play at all. Do I feel a little sad that I'm not nesting and getting out the newborn clothes? Yes, but that's a natural part of being a woman. Miserable and awful are just so far from an accurate description of the situation.
As Brian and I talked further about the statements in the book's description, we came to an interesting conclusion. We are using NFP. We live it, breathe it, fully embrace it. And here's the most awesome part. We feel at PEACE using it. We feel okay at the end of each day knowing we are postponing the next baby for now. We feel like we can breathe and don't feel massive amounts of anxiety about that decision. We are happy and content. We feel good about our decisions regarding family planning and can rest easy at night. But here's the thing. If we were miserable or did feel our life was awful because of the decisions we have made about family planning, it would probably be a HUGE wake up call for us.
Some decisions in life are not so black and white. They take great discernment and careful prayer and discussion. For us, deciding whether or not to have another baby at this point is one of those decisions. And NFP is something that shouldn't be used without careful prayer and consideration. Once we come to the conclusion each month that God isn't calling us to add onto our family at this point, we usually feel great peace with our decision to postpone a baby that month. It eases our mind.
If our minds did not feel at ease, and we were very unhappy and miserable, I think we'd know we were making a huge mistake and totally misreading God's plan for our family. So maybe those who feel they are miserable using NFP and who feel that their lives are awful are misreading what should be happening next in terms of their family planning. It seems to me that if someone doesn't feel at peace using NFP, then maybe that person needs to reevaluate things. God does ask us to suffer, yes. But to be miserable and think you have an awful life? I'm pretty sure God doesn't call any of us to live like that.
What's the point of this post? I guess just to say that Brian and I use NFP (as do many couples we know), and we are not at all miserable. We do not think our life is awful. We feel beyond blessed and quite happy with our marriage and the life we have built together. I have yet to meet someone who is absolutely miserable using NFP, and I really resent the book's description in implying that those who use NFP are bound to be that way. We need young couples in the Church to embrace NFP. Books with descriptions like that simply scare them off and make them turn quickly into the eagerly awaiting arms of artificial contraception. It turns them off.
I pray that on NFP Awareness Sunday many young couples will recognize the beauty and goodness that is NFP and learn to implement it in their marriage. I pray that Brian and I present an example of a couple who practices NFP with joy and contentment and respect for God's plan for our life. Even on the days we find it to be a cross, I hope we may always radiate the goodness that is NFP and show others how that goodness has strengthened our marriage. I pray we may never come off as miserable or actually feel that our life is awful.
On that note, happy charting!
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